Why I'm Excited To Become An Old Trans Woman

I’ve been thinking a lot about mentorship lately, for a variety of reasons. Last weekend, I went to the weSTEM conference, an event ran by the Illinois graduate student chapter of the Society of Women Engineers. I gave the opening keynote to the event, setting the stage for deep conversations about how science is used to justify misogyny and what we can do to make sure that all women—not just cis, white women—were included in STEM spaces. I then got to spend the rest of the day meeting people who are themselves badasses, all of whom shared that they loved my talk and resonated with the messages so much. (Thank you to everyone who watched my talk, truly, you are wonderful!! <3 <3)

Yes, that’s right, cis women related to a trans woman’s experience. Wild, I know! I actually never went to a SWE event when I was a graduate student, despite UConn having its own chapter with a robust membership, because I didn’t think that I would be accepted there as a trans woman. Trans women are often pushed out of women’s spaces because of the perception that they don’t share their experiences of misogyny, or are infiltrators by some other justification. Or maybe, this phenomenon is rarer than we think, and the Internet (by virtue of placing the most rage-baiting, bigoted content on top of all of our feeds) gives people the false perception that trans and cis women have little in common. Either way, the result is the same: trans women police ourselves, we deny ourselves the experiences of joy and community from other women. Needless to say, it was a profound and healing experience to be able to not only attend a Grad SWE event, and not only to be chosen as the opening speaker, but to be embraced so fully by so many women of all kinds of backgrounds.

One woman in particular had a story that I will never forget: at the end of the day-long conference, someone came up to me and told me just how much I inspired them to speak their truth. She was a panelist in one of the afternoon sessions on navigating the world of industry as a woman of color. However, despite giving these kinds of talks all the time, she had never publicly spoken about her specific experience of being a single mother, having to leave her abusive husband when her own child with him was 3 months old. Seeing my bravery in telling my story of transition and hardship gave her the courage to talk about what it was like to have to maintain her career while going through her own hardships; seeking housing, gaining financial independence, explaining to her family that she had left her partner even though in her culture that “just doesn’t happen” (or does, but is too taboo to talk about), and much more. We had a good cry about it together, and I made sure to tell her about how brave she was and how much she probably inspired other women who went through the same but were themselves afraid to talk about it.

Naturally, a thought has been rattling around my brain: being able to mentor others is one of the greatest gifts in this world.

This week, trans icon Cecilia Gentili passed away. She was famous for her acting roles but even more impactful as an activist, serving major roles in organizations like GMHC and Trans Equity. In this Reel posted in the wake of her passing, the Argentinian trans woman talks about one of her first non-sex work jobs, specifically an experience where she had to have another trans woman teach her Microsoft Excel in one of her first days on the job.